What’s Updates Vol. 3
This past week felt like staring into the barrel of the dark unknown. It was triggered by a conversation I had with my sister. The simple act of putting words to the facts of my situation got my heart racing and the fear stoked. It’s been weeks since I’ve received any sort of paycheck and the amount in my bank account is dwindling away with every grocery store run, sanity-preserving coffee shop office outing, and tempting street food cart that crosses my path. BUT. Before you click away from this sob story of an opening, let me turn it on its head for you.
The dark unknown is what you make it. You paint the scene on its unillumined walls. It can be scary and hard or it can be soft and supportive. It can cause you to curl up into a ball or spread your wings and fly. The darkness doesn’t get any darker either way and the truth is you can’t see what’s really there anyway, what’s happening in the shadows. While the lights are off for me, I’m learning my own way of navigating through the dark. In fact, I’m choosing to run straight at it. Unwavering in my why.
Staring into the barrel of the dark unknown has offered me an invitation to choose the reality I live in now and next, to remember that I have a choice. Do I scramble for a job just to cushion my bank account a bit more? Or do I trust that what’s left is enough to carry me through to the right opportunity’s arrival? Do I follow the manual for what one does when the money runs dry? Or do I finish what I started and let the reality I believe in reveal itself to me?
It’s a fine line I’m walking between fear and faith. But I’m walking it. And I’m walking it well. I celebrate the fact that I’m approaching the edge and instead of turning back to what’s comfortable and known, I’m continuing to walk right towards it, trusting that I won’t fall when I get to it. I’ll fly.
So yes, the facts are I’m not making any money yet and I don’t know when I will. I have enough to last me through my flight back to the U.S. on the 17th of November. A few job possibilities have been floated my way, and I’m pursuing the ones that fit, including pursuing the big guys (see last week’s What’s Update to know what I mean).
It’s all unknown at the moment. But it’s also all just perfect too. This fear-facing and tightrope-walking is gifting me with so much. It’s challenging me to stay true to the path I’ve chosen and to keep going with all of the things that are bringing me joy in the now.
My one-street wanders have continued to surprise and inspire me with every step out. This week it was the way the food runner at Xiguela recognized me when I walked back in a day later for a banana smoothie and said thank you for shining a light on their little passion project via my Instagram. It was the kindness of a Cafe Brujula barista who invited me into their newest and not-yet-open location to brew me a mezcal-infused pourover…for free. It was the way my own wander-induced questions about particular pieces of Oaxacan culture - like those strange barrels of fruit swimming in vinegar - were met with answers and a deeper understanding of this city I’m calling home. In the darkest moments of the fear facing, it was my one-street wanders that reminded me that I’m right on track.
All in due time, my friends.
Amber
Never Miss an Update
I’m now sending these Weekly Updates via Substack. Click the button below to choose your subscription style. You can opt for the free subscription to only receive these posts in your inbox or go for the paid subscription that also includes:
these weekly What’s Updates in your inbox + subscriber-only posts
discounts on Inner Voice sessions
trip planning support for travel to Mexico, Colombia, and Peru
free access to all #OneStreetWander walking routes
